As I mentioned in my last post. I am learning so much about myself and life in my short time of being here. Today I realized that we are overcomers. Now, I have known that for a while now but today that word took an entirely different meaning to me. We are humans, we sin. We are all born with a sin that will hold us back more than others. Some people its lying, others it is pride, mine is insecurity. These sins that hold us back more than the others are the sins that seriously become our daily battles. These battles are not easy, and as I stated before: we are humans we will fail. That is where our wonderful Savior comes into play. Through Him we have the strength to fight these battles daily. & That’s where today comes in. Like I said, I have struggled with insecurity for a very long period of time. No matter what people told me about myself, (even if I know it is true) I doubted, second guessed or convinced myself they are just saying that. It got to the point where it got so bad, that I would make excuses of why people wanted to be in my life (besides just genuinely liking me). I had slightly working on it before I moved up here, and I had gotten better but I still was struggling. Moving up here, I had no expectations. I just wanted to come work and get away from the heat and enjoy everything Jackson has to offer. Little did I know that God has a different plan. That he was going to use this season to mold and shape me into the women that in my mind I knew I was, but never had the courage to act out.
Just incase anyone doubts this (which you may strongly disagree) God can use music, outside of Christian music, to teach us and speak to us. Today he used the song Lanslide by Fleetwood Mac to teach me a lesson I don’t think I could ever forget. So incase you have never heard this song, which it is quite beautiful. Here is the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_CwT7p8-e8 I suggest listening through it once then continue reading. I could break down each part of this song and how it impacted me today but instead I am going to focus on the main point. The second and third lines read like this:
I climbed a mountain and I turned around
& I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills.
-Lanslide, Fleetwood Mac
If I can put into words exactly what I did today, it would be this. The outdoors is the best therapy anyone can ever get. So after a long day with a lot on my mind, I climbed a mountain. And then I sat there, and stared off into the distance at the snow covered mountains across from me. & then I hiked back down. During this getaway, this song came on. And instantly I started to learn something about myself. That when people look at these mountains, they see beauty, beauty that is so imperfect that it is perfect. A beauty that leaves you wanting more, you can never get enough of it. Just like the beauty we as humans hold. People see strength. Mountains are big and strong, they are sturdy. But they also hold weakness. When you see mountains, they have snow. And the snow melts and washes away. Just like snow, weaknesses come and go throughout different seasons. When you see mountains, you can see passion. Because somewhere on that mountain, at some point in time. There was a passionate person trying to conquer that mountain. Just as we as humans are passionately trying to conquer everyday life and the horrors that it holds. When you look at a mountain, you can see consistency through change. The overall mountain does not change, but the things that grow on it does. Just like humans, who we are in our core, is always going to be the same but as we go through life and learn we do change smaller parts about ourselves. & the final one that I will point out is when people see mountains, they see detail. Each and every crevasse that makes the mountain so spectacular. These are all things that I have always known but never wanted to accept about myself. I am beautiful. Size, weight, none of that matters. I am beautiful through my imperfections. I am strong. I am worthy. I have weaknesses, but they don’t define me. I am passionate. I am loving. I am caring. I am consistent. I am a warrior. I am constantly changing and growing. I have a lot of hurt, but every single one of those hurts are the details that have shaped me into me. I am becoming secure in these things and more. Because I am an overcomer.
So today, I came one step closer to overcoming my insecurity.
The battle is not over, but I have taken one giant leap forward to conquering this battle.
I hope me being open and real can encourage you to take a step forward in fighting yours.